I am not an American citizen: can my partner deport me or threaten my immigration status?

In love and immigration, power can quickly become a weapon. “Green card blackmail” happens when someone uses the threat of immigration consequences to control their partner. This kind of manipulation often shows up in relationships where one person isn’t a U.S. citizen—especially in LGBTQ+ couples, where support systems may already be limited. The fear of losing your visa, your future, or your ability to stay in the country can make it feel impossible to leave or even question the relationship.

Foreign victims have rights and options—and no one should stay in a relationship where they're treated badly or controlled through fear of deportation.

When Your Immigration Status Becomes a Weapon

If you’re an immigrant in a romantic relationship, your partner might use your visa status to trap you in a situation you wouldn’t accept otherwise. They might say you’ll be deported if you leave them. They might threaten to stop your sponsorship or report you to immigration authorities if you don’t do what they say. This creates a dangerous power imbalance. You may stay quiet when they cheat, isolate you from friends, or insult you—just to keep your status safe. But this kind of emotional abuse is still abuse, and it often leaves deep scars.

What If You Are Married?

If you are legally married to a U.S. citizen or green card holder, you have options—even if they don’t want to help you anymore. Under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), you can apply for a green card on your own. You don’t need your spouse’s approval. You can self-petition by showing that your marriage was real and that you were abused—physically, emotionally, or mentally. Abuse doesn’t always mean hitting. It can be insults, threats, or control over money and travel. VAWA is open to all genders and does not require police reports to file.

What If You’re Not Married?

If you're dating but not married, you're not without hope. You may be eligible for a U visa if you’ve been a victim of a crime like domestic violence, and you're willing to help law enforcement. If your partner has trafficked, exploited, or seriously harmed you, you might also qualify for a T visa. If your life would be at risk in your home country—because of your sexual orientation, gender, or history of abuse—you can explore asylum. If you're safe returning home, that’s also a choice. Leaving a toxic relationship, even if it means starting over elsewhere, is still a step toward healing.

“If You Leave, I’ll Deport You”

This is a classic threat in green card blackmail. A controlling partner might say they'll report you to immigration if you visit your family for the holidays. They might lie to USCIS about your relationship or accuse you of fraud to sabotage your visa. But here’s the truth: only federal immigration officers can deport someone. Your partner has no such power. Still, they might try to scare you or cause problems. That’s why it's essential to document every threat and talk to an immigration attorney who can help you fight back with facts and protect your future.

The Abuser Doesn’t Get the Last Word

An abuser counts on your silence and fear. They want you to believe you’re powerless. But you’re not. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You can talk to a lawyer. You can reach out to a friend. You can walk away. Abuse is not love, and fear is not safety.

If you’re being threatened, manipulated, or controlled because of your immigration status, know this: you deserve better. You deserve safety, respect, and the chance to live freely—on your own terms. Being alone and safe is better than being controlled and scared. You have options. You have rights. And you’re not alone.