Am I in an abusive relationship? Two useful tools to determine if I am experiencing Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)
- vincentopoix
- Mar 2
- 2 min read
Updated: Mar 4
Feeling uneasy about your relationship? You're not alone, and it's brave to seek clarity. Two powerful tools, created by organizations dedicated to supporting survivors, can help you understand the dynamics at play: the "Power & Control Wheel" and the "Violence Meter."
The Power & Control Wheel visually maps out the tactics abusers use to gain and maintain dominance. It breaks down subtle and overt forms of control, from emotional manipulation and isolation to threats and physical violence. By examining each section, you can identify patterns that might be present in your own relationship, even those you might have dismissed or normalized.
The Violence Meter helps you gauge the escalation of abusive behaviors. It provides a spectrum, showing how seemingly minor incidents can escalate into more severe forms of abuse. This tool helps you recognize early warning signs and understand the potential for future harm. Using these tools isn't about labeling your relationship but about gaining insight. They empower you to recognize unhealthy patterns, validate your feelings, and ultimately, make informed decisions about your safety and well-being.
If you recognize your situation within the Power & Control Wheel or the Violence Meter, know that you're not alone and help is available. Taking that first step can feel daunting, but it's a step toward reclaiming your life.
Acknowledge your feelings: Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Validating your feelings is the first step.
Remember, it's not your fault: Abuse is never the victim's fault. These tools are designed to show how abusers manipulate and control, not to blame those experiencing it.
Reach out to a trusted friend or family member: Talking to someone you trust can provide emotional support and help you feel less isolated.
Contact a domestic violence hotline: These hotlines are staffed by trained professionals who can provide confidential support, safety planning, and resources. They can also help you understand your options.
Explore online resources: Websites like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) offer valuable information and support.
Seek professional help: A therapist or counselor specializing in domestic abuse can provide individual support and guidance.
Create a safety plan: If you're ready to leave, a safety plan can help you prepare for the practical and emotional challenges.
Prioritize your safety: If you're in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency number.
